nude kind of showing my dick
gets anons but no reblogs
what do you people want from me?
About my problems I realized this:
I’m a (functioning) alcoholic, I’ve gotten drunk mostly alone almost everyday for three months.
Problem is I don’t have a problem with that, sure my kidneys could fail or my liver could be fucked but being drunk is all that I have anymore. I might get sad or happy but I can sleep and I won’t dream about you. But I’ll sit and reminisce and just die at the irony of it all.
I remember the times we’d fight and you’d just scream at me and I’d feel nothing, I was calm as could be. And now I love you, now I ache for you, I sob uncontrollably thinking about you not loving me anymore. You said you were glad to finally see some emotion in me. You say you’re unsure and other guys feelings mean more than mine now. I just keep pouring myself another bourbon and listen to sad songs until I can’t cry anymore.
I pass out, wake up and go to work. I tell everyone I’m fine, might see one of the two friends I have later that day. But when I get home, I just get out the bottle and do it all over again.
I think to myself now I am the most content right before I pass out. I’m very drunk, I’ve gotten all my feelings out and I’m finally calm. I’ve accepted there is nothing left for me in this world other than my three cats. You’ll get the cats soon and I’ll just be empty and alone. Alone in a way nothing and no one can help, I just need something and I think I know.
I realize the feeling I want most is to not feel at all, I think I want to die. And I want you to watch.
Is slowly driving me insane
I’m not an alcoholic I just love being drunk
So I can sleep and just not feel
Not feel and not worry and not wonder
What’s wrong with me
My lack of human contact is a real issue
I just need someone around
I’ve never been so alone
Took some nudes
And I don’t think I look too bad
Like I notice small changes in my body
Things are paying off and I just need to keep this going
This is a good feeling
In the form of:
-anyone to hangout with
I’m hungry, sober and bored to fucking tears.
Hate this town
Had a very long day at work but made it through
Noticed a few differences in my body as I work to slim down and feel comfortable again
And it all just fell apart
I hate that I was finely getting better and now I’ve just fallen back into this pit of despair and insecurity
How can you do this to me…
I always said that I’d never become an alcoholic, all through college I drank a lot I really did but I rationalized that only someone getting drunk for no reason by theirself would be considered an alcoholic
I’ve spent easily five nights a week for the past two months drinking mostly alone.
I just need someone to be around for me
I hate this town and I hate this situation
I can never do the right thing in your eyes I’m always to blame